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billbaily
Super Member

861 Posts

Posted - 19/08/2020 :  15:25:20 Link directly to this reply  Show Profile  Reply with Quote



Gordon Bennett & Holy Moley (1892 expression)
Some of Tredegar's side roads are extremely pot holey
Come on Blaenau Gwent Council get these roads repaired fast
We'll be so glad for a less bumpy car ride & damage at last
You're doing the bypass that's absolutely brilliant to see
Now concentrate on some of the side roads put it on your jobs list for 2020

Many Thanks!
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billbaily
Super Member

861 Posts

Posted - 19/08/2020 :  19:47:05 Link directly to this reply  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

Making Kids Happy Whilst Their Learning = Well Done!

How lovely it is to hear our children talking fondly of the PPA teacher in our local primary/junior School
This lady has really done her job exceptionally well and makes learning about nature megga fun & cool
Kids get yourselves outside & enjoy the world around you all
Look at the amazing flora & fauna, however big or small
Our world is such a wonderful place a beautiful one for you to explore
Keep on looking and learning you'll discover new things more & more
Take care of our planet earth it's important you do this right
and don't forget when you go to bed open the curtains & peep at the stars & planets shining bright

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billbaily
Super Member

861 Posts

Posted - 20/08/2020 :  21:55:09 Link directly to this reply  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

FISH, CHIPS & PETIT POIS at 4pm

The 1 coin goes in the trolley slot and around the supermarket aisles I quickly go
You see I have visitors arriving for a meal later...got to get things ready by 4
I'm looking into the freezer now searching for my favourite frozen fish
along with crinkly chips & petit pois it's going to be delish
THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN! I felt myself squirm and in my head say YCH-A-FI
You never guess what was next to my delicious fish & was staring straight at me
Well the last time I'd seen edible snails they were on a programme called That's Life, many years ago
and Esther Rantzen was offering them on a plate to OAP's who were grimacing and saying NO
Does anyone actually eat these things it's not something I could attempt easily
In fact just the look of them makes me feel rather queer & very, very queasy
Anyway the popular That's Life programme drew a huge number of people to settle down in their viewing armchairs
It consisted of a good variety of humour, things like talking dogs and the latest consumer affairs
That talking pooch reminds me to put sausages in my trolley too
Check the dog out on Youtube bet he will impress even you
I also remember a chap named Cyril Fletcher, always speaking odes in cockney tones
This man was a talented actor & comedian....he definitely had very funny bones
Well off to the checkouts now to find a less busy till
Got my Barclay card poised ready to swipe and pay my bill
Driving half way home I realise I didn't pick up the cod
or those teeny, weeny tiny peas....the ones fresh from the pod

Oh for goodness sake those flipping shelled gastropods made me forget! Turn around at the roundabout, back up and wait at the traffic lights AGAIN!
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billbaily
Super Member

861 Posts

Posted - 22/08/2020 :  12:57:38 Link directly to this reply  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
LEGGY'S BIG NIGHT OUT

Pressed the button on my electric toothbrush - it's spinning faster then a ferris wheel
Then whilst looking in the bathroom mirror, I let out a foamy, spluttering white scream

A spider the size of an octopus was sitting, bathing in my bath
Honestly I thought it was a fake one put there by my other half

You could have knocked me down with a budgie feather when the spider then began to talk
He said most indignantly, I'm certainly not a stupid practical joke

Mr Many Legs announced....Do you mind I'm sprucing myself up for a night out with the Mrs later on
and I'd really like some privacy and would appreciate it if you were gone!

I apologised profusely and put a spurt on to finish cleaning my toothy pegs
Whilst the spider...IN MY BATH... was now putting Lidl's Cien shower gel on his eight dangly legs

I bid farewell to the spider wished him a pleasant evening out that night
He replied, Many thanks with a smile that could easily beat Rylan Clarkes pearly whites

OMG, now he's starting spreading my best hair gel on his hairy spiky head
It was then I decided I should get myself off to bed

As I went to close the bathroom door the spider shouted, Can I borrow your Phoenix moped
I threw him the keys reluctantly and told him it was in the garden shed

Then I felt it - An elbow nudge poking me sharply in my back....OW!
For goodness sake Basil - Will you wake up immediately NOW!

You've been snoring like a farm animal - I've tried & cannot get off to sleep
Been lying here for the last few hours counting welsh beulah speckled face sheep...

Thank goodness for that, I've been dreaming again
It's a good job the Mrs woke me up, I was just about to lend that spider a couple of quid. I would have never had that back in a million years! Phew!!!!!

Close shave

Goodnight all zzzzzzzz
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billbaily
Super Member

861 Posts

Posted - 23/08/2020 :  16:40:52 Link directly to this reply  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

THE SETTING

GLADYS & TREVOR ARE TUCKED UP IN BED JUST GOING OFF TO SLEEP WHEN GLADYS NUDGES TREV AND SAYS, SSSSHHHHH WHAT'S THAT NOISE!

NEXT MORNING AFTER BREAKFAST

Went up to take a look in the attic, haven't been up there since 2003
My wife is holding the ladder in case something up there jumps on me

We've heard something unexplainable last night - a weird sort of humming sound
decided to go and investigate to see what could be found

I stepped off the wobbly step ladder & started to creep slowly right
I trod on one of the kids old squeaky toys... OMG it didn't half give me a fright

I regained my composure, my heart is banging loud as hell
It was then I banged my head on a rafter and down through the ceiling I fell

The Mrs started shouting - the ceiling is now lying on her posh Cath Kidston bed
I told you not to go up there... is what she angrily said

Well boy or boy that night we found out what the humming noise really was - a huge nest of bees
Spent the early hours afraid in case those black & yellow buzzing insects landed on me

I'm glad I landed on the posh bed, it really broke my fall
Even Gladys, in the end was relieved - she didn't have to give A&E a call

Oh well, it's a trip down to Shop Row in the morning & order some plasterboard & wood
Looks like I'll be spending Mon & Tues making the 1980's artex ceiling good

Anyone want to have a go at bee keeping please get in touch
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billbaily
Super Member

861 Posts

Posted - 23/08/2020 :  19:49:13 Link directly to this reply  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

BAYWATCH SWIM WEAR - I DON'T THINK SO

I remember years ago having a knitted costume to go into the sea
By the time I'd finished splashing around the awful things were around my knees

My friends demanded I stop wearing them to Tredegar's outdoor swimming pool
They told me they looked strange and the image I was projecting wasn't cool

They certainly was never practical...a bit useless you'll agree
So I decided then to stop putting them on when I was 33

They really were embarassing, sagging 4ply wool finally settling on my size 10 feet
Take it from me all that plain & pearl knitting did not look at all neat

Bring on the Speedos
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billbaily
Super Member

861 Posts

Posted - 24/08/2020 :  11:25:26 Link directly to this reply  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

FINDING CALM IN YOUR LIFE

I stood silent on top of the hillside looking down on our valley below
It felt that all life's worries had disappeared and time was going slow

The valley wrapped around our Tredegar have trees so luscious and green
The beauty surrounding us is mesmerizing, truly wonderful and serene

Get your walking boots on....breathe in that fantastic welsh mountain air
It's good to feel alive again with that gently breeze flowing through your hair

It doesn't cost a penny...it doesn't cost the earth
Get yourself a backpack & start treading that viridescent wild turf
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billbaily
Super Member

861 Posts

Posted - 27/09/2020 :  09:34:04 Link directly to this reply  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Sunday lunch & Scary fangs

Pink floral, blue spots, patterned, black & white
Some fall off and others toooooooooo tight
The times it moves up & down my face
Making me bump into things all over the place
WEAR A MASK... is what they say
Rules and regulations we must obey
Who would have thought a mask would become the latest fashion accessory
Keeping us safe...the first minister says it's very necessary
I'm surfing the internet now looking for a mask with huge, snarling teeth
Going to wear them in Spoons next Sunday whilst eating my roast beef


Apologies in advance to any vegetarians out there!

Oh & please put your used masks in a bin or better still buy a washable one, better for the environment

Edited by - billbaily on 27/09/2020 09:36:31
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billbaily
Super Member

861 Posts

Posted - 27/09/2020 :  10:21:36 Link directly to this reply  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Christmas & Ghosts

Popped up to town yesterday...

Masked up and into Home Bargains I go - spooky, scary Halloween things are to the right
Waited until the coast was clear of shoppers & made my way over to sparkly decorations for Christmas night
Where would we be without our Home Bargains it's got nearly everything a home requires
It's online too if you didn't know... for gifts, toys and also Daewoo flame effect electric fires
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billbaily
Super Member

861 Posts

Posted - 29/09/2020 :  12:16:37 Link directly to this reply  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

Hands up who loves Yorkshire puds, they really compliment a delicious roast Sunday dinner
Or how About a midweek treat - toad in the hole, it really is a worthy winner
Put lashings of tasty gravy on top and dive in with your knife & fork
add a drizzle of apple sauce they say, if your choice of meat is pork
HOT mustard is the one for me - it really does the trick
but what I must remember is not to put it on TOO THICK!
It nearly blew my brains out once, my head was tingling, crazy mad
My family were extremely worried and saying, "Why are you pulling funny faces and acting very strangely dad"

So be warned - like the experts say "HAVE THINGS IN MODERATION"

Try this easy recipe for Lockdown Yorkshire Puddings

Makes approx up to 12 puds

Put oven on Gas 9

Then beat together until smooth
2 large eggs
100g plain flour
100ml milk

Grease a muffin/cake tin with vegetable oil, pop this in the oven until the oil is very hot
Remove the tin carefully from the oven and pour the batter into the tin compartments
Pop them back in the oven for approx 10-15 mins or until they have risen and are golden colour


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